A Perfect Mess

A Perfect Mess

        I recently read a book that had a profound effect on my life. It is The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman. You can view the book by clicking here.  I recommend everyone read this book, it will give you a new perspective on behavior and personal interactions. Now that I have given credit where credit is due, let me tell you a little about what I learned and the impact it had on my daily routine. 

     I am a first born and I have always been confused because I consider myself to be a perfectionist, but I am also very messy and tend to procrastinate. Since the birth of my son, the messiness and procrastination have only gotten worse, and I really wasn't sure how to go about creating better habits for myself. The inability to fix myself was becoming rather annoying. 

  At church, the Pastor had been doing a series on David and mentioned how birth order affected his life and recommended we all read The Birth Order Book. I had previously read another book by Dr. Leman and loved it, so I eagerly purchased it with no idea the profound impact it would have on my life. The following is one of the quotes that help me understand my struggles.

" A major reason behind the procrastination is the perfectionist fear of failure. The procrastinating perfectionist has such high expectations that he or she is afraid to start a project. He or she would rather stall and rush to get something done at the last minute. Then the procrastinator can say, "If there had been more time, I could have done a much better job."

  Since my little one was born, my house has been messy with a couple really clean areas. Then I would let the really clean areas get messy while I focused on cleaning somewhere else. I only like to start projects if I can do them start to finish perfectly. I know it's laughable now, but it has taken me a full year to see the folly in this train of thinking.
    A perfect example is my kitchen floor. I would see the floor was dirty during the day and think "Gosh the floor needs to be cleaned, I'll sweep and mop after LO is asleep tonight". I wanted to be able to devote my full attention to a thorough, deep cleaning. Night would get here and I would either have more pressing tasks to get done, or I would want to just chill out and do something I enjoyed.  This cycle might go on for a few days before the floor got so dirty it was embarrassing.
      It wasn't until I understood how my perfectionism was actually hindering my progress, that I was able to break this behavior pattern. I have adapted by sweeping multiple times a day. Sometimes I sweep the whole kitchen other times I sweep just one area at a time, hoping that by the end of the day I will have gotten the whole thing. I mop when I have time and don't stress over it (as much). My floor is overall much cleaner, I rarely get to the embarrassingly dirty stage anymore.
         Being willing to start a task and work on it in bits and pieces has actually helped me get more done in a day and be less stressed. I wish I had something to say to the middle born and last born but frankly I am simply not equipped. I would love to hear from you if you have any habits related to your birth order and how you have overcome them!